Wednesday, September 23, 2009

If you show me your crotch, I will judge it.

Can we, as a society, end our relationship with leggings-as-pants?

I'm very happy for you if you are so thin that there does not need to be a distinction between these two garments. Allow me to show my joy by cramming this stick of butter down your throat. Remember to wash it down with a gallon of heavy cream, like all the supermodels do.

However, if I have to see anymore girls on the streetcar with sweat lines defining their most private of all areas, someone's getting rolled in a parking lot. Ass-sweat doesn't go with anything. These garments should be worn in dance classes, at the gym, under skirts to prevent chafing and flashing (dual purpose!), and at home while watching 'Glee' and eating frosting in embarrassing quanitities, as God and the media designed.

These are small steps that we, as a civilization can take towards our improvement. Today, no more leggings-as-pants, tomorrow, Israel-Palestine resolution.

1 comment:

  1. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this, and the big problem with leggings is that they've spawned an additional societal evil: shirts as dresses. You know what I'm talking about - those shirts that are meant to be worn over leggings, but girls get confused (read: get hoochy) and wear them as dresses instead? I saw a lot of butts this summer, is all I'm saying. A lotta butts.

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